Basketball Wives. Football Wives. Hip-Hop Wives. Love and Hip-Hop. Real Housewives of _______(take your pick). Now I heard they're coming out with Mob Wives. All of the aforementioned shows are either guilty secrets or shows people shamelessly watch. But my question is, where are the REAL wives of Real Life?
When I say "Real Life", I mean the life we live when we wake up and there are no cameras rolling. I mean, are there any out wives out there in the Afro-Am community b/w ages of 21-39? There isn't enough material out there to generate "Section 8 Wives", "Real Housewives of the Hood" or "Real HouseWives of ____" where they just feature regular Afro-Am married couples? I guess the apropos title would be "Baby Mamas of Birmingham."
Including family and friends, I only know 4 black married couples (ages 21-39)! They represent healthy and wholesome relationships built on rock-solid foundations and substance. I can't speak for other regions, but I live in Atlanta. I've always said 'Atlanta is a good place to raise kids and a family, but a terrible place to find your soulmate and or family.' Everybody and their momma is trying to move to the A, and the perception of the city from outside looking in is far cry from the reality!
When you don't live in Atlanta, you think you're missing everything. Just because most of the music from your favorite show/artist is produced here, you think you have to be here. Because all of these rappers are name dropping clubs and malls like Velvet Room, Magic City,Lennox and Phipps, that has the whole black commerce nation thinking they can only buy their Gucci or Jordans on Peachtree Street. With all that said, the city perpetuates a superficial, opulent, glamorous, and excessive lifestyle that most people can't sustain. I can't front, people besides athletes, rappers, and dopeboys are getting it, but the pressure to conform to this affluent image can immensely affect the process of engagement and interaction between males and females. Meaning, if you don't adhere to a certain image, or you're not plugged into the industry, then you're not gonna get quality "buns" (video girl-esque) and conversely if you're a lady not conforming to this objectified image, you wont end up with a "baller." Thats just a presumptuous observation from an immature single dude who covets both substance and superficiality...but sophisticated or mature enough to value and cherish internal qualities and attributes.
It's either that (following the Atlanta blueprint) or you marry your highschool and/or college sweetheart. If that doesn't workout, most people marry who they end up working with...Taking it back to Atlanta screw marrying somebody, you just want to meet somebody! Because it's so spread, the best places to find women are surprisingly remote and humble locations like the grocery store, the gas station, and MAYBE church, but everyone is on to that....I don't know, I think the best way to court or meet someone compatible is to meet them somewhere where ya'll have a mutual connection or interest (ie if your an ant collector, and u go to an ant farm and find a cutie there, there's a good chance you guys are going to connect because of a shared interest... that interest is more substantive then going to the club and your shared interest with someone is your love for Young Moolah baby!)
According to US Census Bureau, 70% of black families were headed by married couples in 1963, and in 2002 that number was down to 48. As of 2011, these are the new marriage stats in the Afro-Am community:
*(1) Forty-two percent of black adults have never been married, compared with just 26 percent of all American adults.(2) By the time most black Americans reach their early 30s, half have never married, compared with 31 percent or less for other racial and ethnic groups.(3) Black women ages 35 to 44 are the only group of American women of child-bearing age with lower rates of marriage than men of the same race or ethnicity.(4) By their early 40s, 31 percent of black women have never been married, compared to 9 percent of white women, 11 percent of Asian women and 12 percent of Hispanic women.
*USCensusBureau/TheYbf.com
Dude, we need to TALK!!! You should read my post from just last night. http://daughter-wife-mom-sister.blogspot.com/2011/03/love-is-action-word.html There were at least 30 couples at this event last night, several more that couldn't make it, that we usually kick it with, and dozens of others that put these "real ***** Housewives" to shame.
ReplyDeletethough i am a former married, i am eternally hopeful and optimistic about l'amore and have made it my life's quest to celebrate it in any/all forms.
ReplyDeletemarriage stats are all about perspective. since you spoke primarily of/about ATL, i will as well. i happen to live in the OZ of the north (aka NYC) where everyone is somehow industry related and has the prerequisite chip on their shoulder and douchey shades on in the nightclub to prove it.
sigh...
perchance it is rooted in northern snobbery, but i have found the further south one travels, the more likely one is to find potential mates that want more than a late night creep that starts in the VIP moves to the Waffle House and ends with a walk of shame to a car service with a handful of gifted bills before sunrise.
these little-girls-playing-dress-up-as-women are just as commodifyable (excuse my sharptonism) as the jordans the dudes using and abusing them are rocking which is why they become commodities. there aren't as many wives because that has not remained the focus of many. for every guilty pleasure "reality" show there are legions of people who would eagerly trade respectability and love for fame and a quickly-spent fortune.
i blame the blurring of the moat between the famous (infamous) and regular joes for the decline in marriage. last week when Elizabeth Taylor died, people made much of the number of husbands she had. do you know why she had so many husbands? "do you expect me to sleep alone?" she didn't have many lovers, she had many men she loved and wanted to give herself to, wholly. she became villified for it yet we celebrated New York for sleeping with Real and Chance.....
i digress...
i know plenty of marrieds or people en route to being married. social activities and outings change as the ratio of singles to couples dwindles, but it is with a smile on my face that i observe this.
Interesting enough... the "Real Housewives of Real Life" are in existence. Despite the fact that less African Americans can married compared to any other race, there are still some "Real Housewives" out there and many eligible females who are seeking a good man to become a "housewife" too.
ReplyDeleteWhen searching for "housewives", it is essential that everyone have a common consensus of what the term means. I, personally, have always taken the word by its literal meaning, which is a wife who takes care of the house. But according to the reality shows and the people that the cast on it, the term "housewives" is portrayed as having a different interpretation. On the last season of Housewives of Atlanta, only 2 of the 6 cast members were actually wives, and 1 of those 2 was separated from her husband. All of the other women were ex-wives, mistresses, dating, or fiancees. On the last season Basketball wives, there was only one cast member who was married and during that season, she too was separated and divorcing her husband. The question then that comes into play is how are we as a community able to effectively distinguish and identify "Real Life Housewives" if on television a housewife is displayed as something completely different. To me, you CAN NOT be a housewife without being a wife at all. People are provided a false reality to what a housewife is and because of that females and males are searching for a significant other to provide that reality, which in actuality is not a reality.
I agree that the institution of marriage as a whole was on a decline for many years in the African-American community, but according to statistics it is back on the rise recently. I have attended a wedding each month so far this year, as well as have invites to at least one in every month upcoming until September. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the # of marriages in the state of Georgia has been relatively consistent over the past 20 years: (in thousands) 66.8 in 1990, 56.0 in 2000, and 57.4 in 2008. On the contrary, the state of South Carolina, which is my home state, is showing that marriage is growing again: (in thousands) 55.8 in 1990, 8.0 in 2000, and 33.3 in 2008. Therefore, I conclude that there are real housewives, and they would be more easily identifiable if there were not bunched in or wrongly categorized with the 7 year live-in girlfriends, 5 year fiancees, and baby mamas. Also, people would be more likely to find that "one" if they realized that the reality they hear and see on television and in music is not the majority's reality. Less than 15% of the African American community is represented as a baller or famous person.
WOW.
ReplyDeleteSpeechless and Intrigued boo. They now have a trailer on youtube for a "Real Mistresses of Atlanta"... It is so ridiculous it will make you lose the rest of what little faith you MAY have still had in mankind.