"The Learned Extrovert"

"I rolls Dolo from State to State!"

So I was watching one of my shows during my Sunday lineup (you know, your "Animations Dominations", HBOs,Showtimes,etc) when a line stuck out to me during a dinner scene.  A woman was on a first date when she explained to her male companion that she was a "learned extrovert."

Im paraphrasing but she basically said she had to teach and sometimes force herself to get out of her comfort zone and integrate herself socially more.  That resonated with me.

Most people won't believe it but Im terribly shy.  Speaking in public or to strangers is something I dread.  Because Im a spin master who subscribes in theories of "Fake it til you make it" and "never let them see you sweat" I flip the script and channel that energy into the moment.

NFL Hall of Famer and wide receiver Jerry Rice used to say he played scared which in turn helped him elude defenders bent on taking his head off.  If Im not mistaken Beyonce created her pseudonym, Sasha Fierce, in order to deal with her stage freight---and yes Im secure with my manhood to make a reference to Beyonce.  If Kobe's moniker, "The Black Mamba" is based off the femme fatale character in Q. Tarantino's "Kill Bill" then why cant I make that leap?  And besides if I was comparing myself to a chick, Id compare my wit, dry humor, attention to details, and awareness of the bigger picture to that of "Hannah" from 'Girls'...but that's another story.

Getting back to my social phobias I recall when I did the sports segments for my old man's radio show. Whenever we'd wrap up and I was in my solitude, Id fall asleep from being so drained. I don't know what kind of numbers the show was doing as far as ratings but it felt like I was speaking to a million people that I couldnt see but they could see me.

When it comes to everyday life Im the ultimate loner.  I hate small talk because I feel that ish is forced or phony...but sometimes small talk is appropriate because you have to keep it light.  Truth be told I can be very idiosyncratic and anal at times for certain things but to me its about respect and protocol.  For example, if company comes to my crib, who says 'hello' first? Me, the person who's house it is...or the person coming over?

Also if you call me and I pick up, that means Im available so what's up?  Don't judge the texture of my voice by asking me whats wrong.  Did you call to probe me or speak? State your purpose.

One thing I need to get better at is meeting new people, specifically being open to meeting male friends on the strength of mutual male friends---pause and no "Home Alone."

To say I have reservations with that maybe a little strong but Im apprehensive with that because as a loner, you want to have as less friends as possible, not more.  And me being the don that I am, a lot of cats like to play pissing contests.  Im 30+ years old, I don't care about being popular, FaceBook friend numbers or InstaGram/Twitter followers.  With that said, as long as I have more followers than I follow, Im good!

That man law mentality is cool in most cases generally but you do have to make exceptions for the homies.  I have two close friends who have friends that have a little buzz behind their name.  One is a ball player and the other is on televison.

My two mutual friends have bigged me up so much and said good things about me to the point where I should have interacted with them somehow.  At those scenarios have definitely presented themselves and when they did, I made myself unavailable for whatever reason.

It comes off as if Im being bogus or Im too good, but it's not even like that.  Again it comes back to me being a loner.  If I ever want to realize my blessings, destiny and future I must learn to embrace what comes with that.  Sometimes that entails being publicly available and pleasant.  Hey be patient.  The title says "The Learned Extrovert" but Im still learning.