Vanilla Dice Dice Baby or Michaelvelli the Don: Ambitionz as a Writer

A couple of months ago I gave a friend some advice to use for a disagreement of some sorts he was having with an individual (or something like that).  I told him sometimes you have to have a vanilla response/approach to things. 

Those words must have had sprinkles on them because I’ve been eating them ever since.  Now every time the aforementioned friend and I engage in a controversial conversation or decision I’m automatically labeled “Mr. Vanilla”-as if I’m trying to take the easy way out…. or dare I say ‘Not keep it real!’

The ‘vanilla’ comment was initially intended for my friend to display a “poker face “ at all times and never “let them see you sweat. “

My advice is a thing of art and therefore open for interpretation but indifference was the gist of the vanilla remark.

As an aspiring writer, being colorful and totally transparent can be a slippery slope.  You never want to be disingenuous, of course, but if disclosing every detail can potentially compromise or harm you, then censorship may be a good idea.  You don’t have to use every crayon to successfully color a picture.

The good writers usually get away unscathed when it comes to exposing their weaknesses and vulnerabilities.  Why?  Because they woo you with their ability to paint a vivid picture with their 1080, high definition words and style of prose.  

There’s a scene in the “The Client” episode from my favorite show, “The Office.” “The client (Tim Meadows) consoles a recently divorced executive (Jan) in her divorce and the controversy it created in her life.  Meadows said:  “You (Jan) were really brave! You, you put your arms out there, you slit your wrists.  You said ‘World, this is my blood! It’s red, just like yours.  So love me!”

When good writers slit their metaphorical wrists, people love them.  When I slit my wrists I’m usually exiled somewhere or misunderstood.   I thought it was about discretion and discernment; timing and tact.  “Don’t be vanilla”?  Be careful what you ask for.

Andy: Andy have a boo-boo tummy.

Michael Scott:  Right there is the problem. There have been reports around the office that you have been talking baby talk.

Andy: Would you rather me say, hey guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up?...Crazy diarrhea happening right now. Cause things can get real adult, real fast.

So is that what I need to do? Do I need to describe the crazy diarrhea happening in my life?

Do I just turn up and just write the stuff that would raise the eyebrows of my elders?  Put myself in a situation where I embarrass my family and/or threaten potential future commerce? I have younger family members and friends on Twitter and Facebook and I can’t believe some of the stuff coming out of their mouths, from cussing their significant others out to talking about drug use and taking suggestive/ sexual pictures.

Pac said he knew he wasn’t the nicest rapper but he was the realest.  And while the  vocab in my lexicon may not be the most expansive and compelling , whatever I write will always be reflective of how I feel at the time.

In an interview at a gun range, Pac also said: “Besides that, every other record that came out that Tupac did, I did high or drunk in the studio, when they was making the beat.  That’s why I be sounding heller sloppy, you know what Im saying? I feel as though I feel like niggas is drunk or high when they listen to it…you know? You either going to like it or not”

Now, I’m not saying I sit around the crib blowed waiting for inspiration, or that you should be wasted when and if you so kindly read my blog (but like a comedy club it gets better after two drinks).  “Don’t have to bump this but please respect it” is another jewel Pac said in “Krazy.”  Just respect my shit, whether its diarrheic or vanilla.


Suggested Non Vanilla picks:

On the plight of single moms and sex:

http://thelegendofdice.blogspot.com/2011/02/motherfucker-sex-chronicles-of-single.html


On marriage and the disconnect between single people:

http://thelegendofdice.blogspot.com/2011/03/wifed-up.html


On death:

http://thelegendofdice.blogspot.com/2013/03/dice-presents-delusional-deaths-and.html